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Lip unlocked
April 11, 2013 COMMENT comment
     
Lip unlocked
Magandeep Singh
 
Kiss on the first date? Well, it has its pros and cons. Get a man's view of this delicate matter. "Kissing a boy to get another boy rarely works; the parties concerned have to be immensely drunk and even then, there are high chances of a backfire."
 
Dear reader, I am sure you remember your first kiss, no matter how drunk the circumstances were or how traumatic the memory of the accompanying hangover the next day was. We somehow manage to attach a lot of importance to the first everything – car, date, substance abuse – and no matter how much better or bigger we enjoy later, we still find it easier to remember the first. Sir Richard Branson was spot on when he said, "You never forget your first time."
So the question that I shall answer for you today is: What are the dynamics of kissing on the first date? It may not be your first – I doubt that in this day and age there are people who can coherently be reading this and yet not have experienced the juxtaposition of their lips against another's – but it might happen to be the first for the two of you, and potentially the first of many to come, if we are to but wish all couples well. So what are the signs, what is the clincher and how does one decide?

Here are a few reasons why you should disqualify the person: Braces (nobody wants to taste steel), halitosis (bad breath is a major turn off ), and choice of dinner (garlic-eating people don't just keep vampires at bay).

As for whom to kiss, it's not that simple. It's a rather complex equation where the probability of the current kiss exponentially rises inversely to the frequency of your recent past snogs and whether they amounted to anything. These are further affected by the way the boy treats you – opening doors, saying thank you, being attentive, and picking up the tab is a minimum although the latter may not be a requisite in this equality-obsessed chivalry-murdering society we live in today.

Add to this factors like general sleaze quotient (his, not yours) ranging from the 'mildly suggestive and humorous' to the 'hormones ricocheting off the walls' and accordingly allow them to excite or temper your state. Definitely account for any common people you may know (news spreads) and, if the man has known cute friends (whom you might be more interested in), then kissing him will only lower your chances there and kissing both will earn you a reputation that you may not quite want to hang over the mantelpiece. In fact, kissing a boy to get another boy rarely works; the parties concerned have to be immensely drunk and even then, there are high chances of a backfire.

Another thing to consider is whether the person appeared to be genuine. I know us boys are superb at hiding this till you are well in the sack and then we mutate into our cussing-and farting stinky unmannered selves but by then it's too late and even the kiss that started it all is a distant memory. It would almost appear as if there is no sure shot way of telling when a first kiss would be useful and when a waste.

Well, there isn't, so, size up the situation, close your eyes, and keep your fingers crossed. Let me share a secret: You,women, you wield the power. We men honestly are helpless animals who, once taken by your beauty, will meekly submit to all and any humiliation that you inflict upon us. But men aren't perfect: kissing us may change some frogs into princes but even then we shall retain our inherent masculine flaws; it's a kiss, not a miracle drug! So administer it freely or administer it in doses (remember the fine line between a tramp and a lady); just don't expect to improve us.

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