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You do not need to open the daily
newspaper to know how India treats
its daughters. You just need to look at
your own family, as I did.
A cousin of mine gave birth to a baby boy
last month after having had two girls earlier,
now four and three years old. Unlike the first
two births, the third child's entry to the world
was celebrated with a bang. A huge party was
held, a new Audi was bought, along with a
week-long baithan to hail the Lord. Gifts were
distributed with abandon, even a car for the
priest. The father's demeanour underwent a sea
change: He now walks with a swagger, dresses
up in 'modern' denims, and generally goes about
behaving every inch like a 'betay ka baap' (father
of a son), whatever that means.
I pity the poor little girls who will now
have to take a backseat as their brother is
showered with princely attention, and who will
– along with him – grow up thinking their own
species to be the lesser of the two.
And who can blame them? We after all
live in a country where the Supreme Court in
all its wisdom pardoned the death penalty of a
man accused of first raping his minor daughter,
then axing her and his wife to death while
on parole. The very next week, the same court
upheld the death penalty of another murderer
who had kidnapped and killed a boy, the 'sole heir' of his family with three sisters, because
the "agony for parents for the loss of their
male child, who would have carried further
the family lineage, and is expected to see them
through their old age, is unfathomable".
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The most erudite of our lawkeepers appear
to believe that the male child is the protagonist
of all family fairy tales, the female child a mere
extra. What chance does my cousin's newborn
son have of being brought up with a sense of
equality and respect towards women?
I have one cherished daughter, who
probably loves me more than a son ever
could. I have named businesses after her with
no less affection and ambition than a 'betay
ki maa' (mother of a son). I cannot see how
having a daughter diminishes me in any way
as compared with mothers who have sons.
Matters of lineage and expectations of sons
supporting their old parents belong to another
time, one that has no relevance today with
globalised lifestyles and nuclear families.
While joining hands in rallies and raising
our voices in protest on the streets may be
of some value, when it comes to equality
for women, we need to look closer home. I
hope you all use this month that celebrates
International Women's Day to seek out and
change your own family and its attitude
towards women. We owe it to ourselves.
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